God and Pain
I am the kind of person who prays constantly to an Unknown God. That’s just the type of person I am. I learned a little bit more about myself through a painful journey.
At work, we had a mass mailing. I carried several trays of mail one-by-one. The tray did not weigh very much, but I carried them a long distance. I carried several of these trays that day.
A week earlier my daughter was in a horrific car accident. She was at a standstill along with other cars on a highway, since there was an accident up ahead. She drives a 1995 Honda Civic. She was on the cell phone when an SUV rammed into her car. The SUV was going around 50 miles an hour.
I got a cell call from my daughter, who told me that she was bleeding and about the accident. She said an ambulance was on its way to take her to the hospital. She thought she was okay. When the SUV hit her, it broke her seat, and she found herself lying flat.
The bottom line was she was okay, although her car was totaled. We looked together for a replacement car and after a week found one.
I tell you about my daughter to lay out all the facts. The day after the mass mailing, I awoke the next day in tremendous pain, mostly on my left side from back to my leg. I could barely move, but did so in pain. I could not bend down on sit down — the pain was unbearable. I still went to work the next day.
Fortunately, I had my six month appointment with my doctor the next day, so I made it through the day, knowing that I would be seeing him soon.
He diagnosed my pain as sciatica, a nerve that runs from your hip to your legs. He gave me a prescription for a muscle relaxer. When I took the pill, it made be sleepy and kind of zoned out.
The next day my computer hard drive died. I could no longer use my computer or go to the Internet. I took the computer to Best Buy to have another hard drive put in. They said they would try to save as many files, if possible.
When I picked up the computer, I was disappointed that they did not put the files on CDs, but instead installed them on the new hard drive under a folder called, “Old Hard Drive.” The folder turned out to be 4.6 gigabytes. The bottom line was that the folder caused so many conflicts with the programs that I tried to install that it took me around 10 hours or so to get the computer working again.
I digress to tell you about everything leading up to something I learned about myself. When the sciatica and the pain occurred, I found myself no longer talking to God. I do not know if it was because of the prescription or the pain I was experiencing.
I felt a need to get well again and concentrate on that. I now wonder if people who are hungry or in pain concentrate mostly on the hunger or their pain. That in order to think about God we need to be healthy first.
It was almost like all my energy was focused on healing myself or on concentrating on myself and the pain.
It has been a week now and the pain has lessened, and I am now more mobile. However, the pain is still present, and I will need to get more medical treatment, maybe a chiropractor.
I was just wondering if others have gone through a similar experience where your focus goes from God to your own healing.
At work, we had a mass mailing. I carried several trays of mail one-by-one. The tray did not weigh very much, but I carried them a long distance. I carried several of these trays that day.
A week earlier my daughter was in a horrific car accident. She was at a standstill along with other cars on a highway, since there was an accident up ahead. She drives a 1995 Honda Civic. She was on the cell phone when an SUV rammed into her car. The SUV was going around 50 miles an hour.
I got a cell call from my daughter, who told me that she was bleeding and about the accident. She said an ambulance was on its way to take her to the hospital. She thought she was okay. When the SUV hit her, it broke her seat, and she found herself lying flat.
The bottom line was she was okay, although her car was totaled. We looked together for a replacement car and after a week found one.
I tell you about my daughter to lay out all the facts. The day after the mass mailing, I awoke the next day in tremendous pain, mostly on my left side from back to my leg. I could barely move, but did so in pain. I could not bend down on sit down — the pain was unbearable. I still went to work the next day.
Fortunately, I had my six month appointment with my doctor the next day, so I made it through the day, knowing that I would be seeing him soon.
He diagnosed my pain as sciatica, a nerve that runs from your hip to your legs. He gave me a prescription for a muscle relaxer. When I took the pill, it made be sleepy and kind of zoned out.
The next day my computer hard drive died. I could no longer use my computer or go to the Internet. I took the computer to Best Buy to have another hard drive put in. They said they would try to save as many files, if possible.
When I picked up the computer, I was disappointed that they did not put the files on CDs, but instead installed them on the new hard drive under a folder called, “Old Hard Drive.” The folder turned out to be 4.6 gigabytes. The bottom line was that the folder caused so many conflicts with the programs that I tried to install that it took me around 10 hours or so to get the computer working again.
I digress to tell you about everything leading up to something I learned about myself. When the sciatica and the pain occurred, I found myself no longer talking to God. I do not know if it was because of the prescription or the pain I was experiencing.
I felt a need to get well again and concentrate on that. I now wonder if people who are hungry or in pain concentrate mostly on the hunger or their pain. That in order to think about God we need to be healthy first.
It was almost like all my energy was focused on healing myself or on concentrating on myself and the pain.
It has been a week now and the pain has lessened, and I am now more mobile. However, the pain is still present, and I will need to get more medical treatment, maybe a chiropractor.
I was just wondering if others have gone through a similar experience where your focus goes from God to your own healing.
posted by Brother Bob @ 9:05 AM
6 Comments:
At March 16, 2005 at 6:51 AM,
Anonymous said…
Interesting! You said that you are constantly praying to an unknown God. Ask yourself how well you know yourself. It's my personal belief that the old cliche that "God is in all of us" is all too true.But,being the ego driven creatures that we are, when in pain or distress we tend to live closer to the external world.We are in a sense drawn into a rather dim reality.We cannot focus on the light of God, Angels, Spirit(s)or whatever it is that fulfills you at a deep level. We lose our faith and start to believe that we must "take control" and manage our pain instead of praying for healing. We get more pro-active. Believing that God is in all of us,I ask for strength from within to deal with pain but most of all I pray for knowledge. "Show me God what I must learn from this. Guide me to all that I need." Like your pain...maybe it's sympathy pain for your daughter. God may being teaching you compassion.
Anyway, it's just a guess. My take, for what it's worth. You may be the most compassionate person on earth for all I know. I'm new to this whole blogging thing so I apologize if I've said too much. I should have probably read more of this blog before writing that. Oh well it's written now. Take care and I'll say a little prayer.
At March 16, 2005 at 3:26 PM,
Anonymous said…
Thanks, anonoymous, for your comments. I am also fairly new to blogs and trying to figure them out. The reason I wrote this one was because I was rather surprised at my reaction to intense pain. I was being truthful to my reaction. It's okay to be spontaneous with your comments. I welcome your point of view. That's how we all grow. Thanks for the prayer. We are all on the path and are learning new things all the time.
At April 25, 2005 at 8:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
Pain is an interesting subject when viewing it from a spiritual perspective. Physiologically, pain is an indication that something is wrong or needs to change, our bodies are on alert, and all resources are used to re-establish homeostasis in the body. Socially and psychologically, we are conditioned by our upbringing, social interactions, medical institutions, etc. on how to deal with pain and react at many levels based on these teachings. A lot of people believe that "good" health is a blessing from "God"... does that mean "illness" is a sign of disfavor? From personal experience, I've had to dig deep in order to uncover my judgements and attitudes towards pain, illness, disease, and my body. At the other end of this self-exploration, I have found these experiences (afterwards and with some personal work) now cause me to live more consciously with more compassion. I guess you could say, we can lose "sight" of "God" in "good" health or "bad"... but "God" never loses us. :-)
At April 26, 2005 at 3:36 PM,
Anonymous said…
Anonymous,
Your comments make a lot of sense, especially, your last comment,
I guess you could say, we can lose "sight" of "God" in "good" health or "bad"... but "God" never loses us.
When you have been in relatively good health and then pain arrives, this is a new learning experience.
I have struggled most of my life with the conflicting statements:
1. You cause your disease by the way you think.
2. Sometimes bad things happen to good people.
Some people maintain that everything that happens to you is for the reason. Others say that sometimes you are in the wrong place at the wrong time. For example, you are on the 90th floor of the World Trade Center on 9/11.
I really do not have the answer. Sometimes life is a mystery.
At April 27, 2005 at 3:46 PM,
Anonymous said…
I do find Buddhism also comforting. Everything changes. Nothing is permanent.
I also find it difficult to keep balance. On the one hand, you can be a spirit having a human experience. On the other hand, you can be down on yourself for not being better.
I think that ultimately it is all a mystery. Some of the leading spiritual people in the world have died of cancer -- some saints.
Being fully human -- finding that balance is difficult. Coming to grips with the light and the darkness without oneself is not always easy.
The following is what I strive for, although it may be difficult:
Statement of Belief:
For me, I would like to experience the oneness of everything. How you and I and the trees and birds are all one. I believe most of us feel our separateness and do not see that connection. Also, mystics talk about the underlining feeling of Love that permeates everything. To experience all of this I believe would help to put life into context. At least, that is what I believe. We may all be programmed for this-- when it actually happens varies from person to person.
At April 30, 2005 at 9:40 AM,
Anonymous said…
Thank you, Tzuni
What a wonderful and insightful post. Thanks for describing your situation and the gentle warning that one really needs to be ready “to see” and how overwhelming the experience can be.
I have read almost everything Yogananda has written. I have always been drawn to him. It does seem that some religions do prepare you better for the oneness experience. I am thinking of Buddhism, Hinduism, and Sufism.
You make a valid point about the lack of support groups. My mind has been racing about your comments. You know there have been tons of books about angels and about near death experiences but little about what you experienced.
Years ago, I read a book written in 1902 called Cosmic Consciousness by the Canadian psychologist Richard M. Bucke, who had a spontaneous experience of unity and was overwhelmed by it. He decided to write a book about his and others experiences.
I believe what you experience is rare, but I would guess that every year hundreds of Americans may have similar experiences as yours. We do not hear about these experiences because most people keep the experiences to themselves.
You may have heard of Byron Katie. Her web site is http://www.thework.org/. She has devoted her life to helping others with these experiences. Byron was once a millionaire from selling real estate. A perfectionist by nature, she had a nervous breakdown and was not able to leave her house for years. One day, Byron had a spontaneous unity experience, which lasted for a long time. It changed her – she was once dead and now was alive to the world. Then came the fall. She crashed back into the world and racing thoughts appeared again. Byron wanted to return to the unity experience and has devised a unique program to help people.
One of the most terrifying books I read about the unity experience was called Kundalini by Gopi Krishna. When he was meditating, Gopi had a unity experience which so overwhelmed him that he was just barely able to function in the world. Talk about no support groups. Gopi was unaware what was happening to him. It took him years to recover from the experience. I met him once at a workshop where he presented.
The Experience of No-Self by Bernadette Roberts is an interesting book. It was written in 1982. She is a former Catholic nun for ten years who left and married and had four children. While on a retreat, Bernadette had the unity experience where she felt she no longer existed. Very well written.
Another book that is interesting is called Mystics, Masters, Saints, and Sages by Robert Ullman and Judyth Reichenberg-Ullman. It was written in 2001. It highlights both ancient and modern people who had the unity experience.
Jack Kornfield in 2000 the book, After the Ecstasy, the Laundry. Interesting book of what happens after the unity experience and you are back in the world.
365 Nirvana Here and Now are daily readings on enlightenment. It was written by Josh Baran in 2003. Jack recommends the following persons to look into who emphasize direct experience: Tulku Urgyen, Tony Parsons, Stephen Jourdain, John Wren-Lewis, Steven Harrison, Scott Morrision, and Byron Katie.
Do not get me wrong about Tony Parsons. I believe what happened to him was legitimate. I just do not like some of his comments about nothing you do really matters in the long run. I think because we are all unique we may come out of the unity experience with a different slant than someone else.
Some people say we will find what we are looking for when we stop searching. It is right here now in front of our noses. Others continue to read, to learn, to search. Do not know what the right combination is. The unity experience may or may not happen to some people when or when they are not prepared. I guess it happens when it happens.
Thank you again, Tzuni, for all the wonderful information you gave me. And good luck with the support group. I hope some of the books may help somewhat.
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