A SIGN

My second year of my graduate school's requirement was an internship. I was scheduled to work for the American Medical Association in Chicago. Because of a scheduling problem, I could not work immediately for AMA, so I needed another internship for a couple of months before I could start my AMA internship.

Jacksonville, Illinois, turned out as the place selected for the two month internship. I drove there the day before my internship was to begin to find that there was no motel rooms available. It seemed that there was the State Fair going on, and no rooms were available. I pulled off the side of the road and slept in my car. I had to begin work the next day without a shave and with the same clothes I slept in. Not a very good beginning!

I drove around to see what Jacksonville looked like. I went to the central square area and could not find one person! I thought I had been sent to the end of the world. But appearances can be deceiving, and Jacksonville turned out to be one of the best adventures of my life.

My supervisor was an usual woman who believed in ESP, something I never thought about in my life. I was working in a mental health setting. She told me of the time when a woman was undergoing a crisis and opened the telephone book up and called the first person's number she saw. It turned out to be my supervisor's number, and she was able to help the woman.

The supervisor gave me a book called, Three Magic Words, by U.S. Anderson. I don't remember anything about the book, with the exception that the author believed in ESP. Whetting my curiosity, I decided to look further into ESP and went to a drug store and saw a book with an usual cover that stood out. The book was called How To Make ESP Work For You, and it was written by Harold Sherman. Like another book I read, A Modern Priest Looks At His Outdated Church, Sherman's book dramatically changed how I looked at the world.

At the time of my stay in Jacksonville, I became friends with Brother Bob, who later became Father Bob. We would have lunch frequently together and sometimes go out at night. He was a gentle soul who came from a big family, around 13 brothers and sisters. I told Bob my concerns with the Church, and he would kindly hear me out. One time, we went out on a double date and he became infatuated with the girl, possibly feeling like he was in love with her. At the time, I did not think it terribly strange that he should go on a date -- he was not yet a priest and he was experimenting before he made his commitment.

Perhaps, that is why we were friends -- we were both going into unknown areas of our life. I was moving ahead without the Catholic Church, while Bob was moving into a life within the Catholic Church. I did not mention anything to Bob about my recent interest in ESP and reading about it. At night, I began practicing some of the techniques mentioned by Sherman.

Using Sherman's recommendations, I would lie comfortably on a sofa and get totally relaxed. To keep thoughts from interfering, Sherman suggested picturing a blank, white motion picture screen. I have difficulty imaging things; but since I liked going to movies, I would enjoy concentrating on the screen. In fact, when I did go to the movies, before the movie began, I would concentrate on the blank screen so I would it would be less difficult for me to remember.

At the time, I was so naive about ESP and understood it so little that it was only afterwards when I read Sherman's book that I realized that I got many of his directions wrong. The major mistake was that Sherman was explaining a telepathy experiment, where there is a sender and a receiver. I, on the other hand, was just lying on the sofa, relaxing and imagining a blank, white screen. At the same time, something at the gut level was telling me that something was working. Every time I tried the experiment, I felt more relaxed -- that there was something that was working.

One day at lunch, Bob and I had an angry exchange. He was trying to convert me to his way of thinking, and I was trying to convert him to his way of thinking. I became angry and started to get loud. He changed subjects, and I was embarrassed for losing control. I asked him if he was able to go out tonight, and he said that he had to work on a paper, instead.

I decided that I would try my experiment with ESP again that night in November 1968. As I was relaxing, I remembered an important point I had read: In order for what you want to work, you have to believe it will work. You have to act as if the experiment has already accomplished its mission. In short, you need belief.

I found it a paradox to believe in something I wasn't sure about. It went against my way of thinking. Does that mean in order to find God you first need to believe in God? My experience with the Catholic Church had been extremely hurtful -- I didn't need any more bitterness and disillusion about God. But on another level I came to an understanding about what this ESP experiment was really about for me. It was an attempt to contact God.

So I made my decision. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, I took a leap of faith. As much as possible, I believed in the existence of God. I kept it up for about a minute, and I heard myself say to my own surprise, "Please show me a sign."

As soon as I said the word, "sign," the telephone rang. It was Brother Bob and the very first thing he said to me was, "John, you wanted me to call you, didn't you. I was walking up the stairs to my house when I saw a white screen in front of my eyes. As soon as I saw this screen, I had the impression that you needed me."

I explained to Brother Bob about the ESP experiments and the fact that I had been concentrating on a white screen. I was so excited that Brother Bob said he could spare a few minutes from his paper and meet with me. As soon as I put the telephone down the impact of what had occurred hit me, and I burst into tears. When I met with Brother Bob, he was not as amazed at what had happened as I was. How he saw the universe included events like mine.

I had two other ESP incidents with Brother Bob shortly after that, although they were not as spectacular as the white screen incident. I was reading a book that stressed the importance of Christ as a spiritual leader, something I had questioned since leaving the Church. However, as I rethought that I may be wrong about Christ, I was overcome by emotion and began to weep. At that exact moment Brother Bob called. I don't weep easily or often, and I don't think it was a coincidence that Brother Bob called me at that moment. In fact, Sherman says it is exactly at such emotional moments that we tend to be in telepathic communication -- that emotions play a large part of ESP.

Another time, I was reading about the importance of going to church, which was again challenged by preconceived thinking since leaving he Church. I challenged myself again, saying I may be wrong again. I found myself weeping again. At the exact time of my weeping, Brother Bob called again.

I have lost contact with Brother Bob. He spent some time in Boston and my parents invited him and a friend over for dinner a few times, since he did not know many people in Boston. The last I heard about Brother Bob was that he was a priest and a principle of a Catholic high school in Minnesota.