Intuition

Someone described the situation I was in as “you have a tiger by its tail.” This posting is about an intuition I received that helped tremendously. Before I tell you about this intuition, I need to give you some background information.

At the time, I was a public information person for a human services agency. What my agency was attempting to do was the right thing. Take children and adults with developmental disabilities out of state institutions and place them back into their home communities. Basically, we were creating small group homes that were under six people and a foster parent program, mostly for children.

The children and adults were sent away because doctors at the time were suggesting it and because there were no opportunities for them in their home communities. They were not allowed to go to school or work. Also, the philosophy back then was they could not learn. All of this has changed drastically, of course. We now know that everyone can learn.

Back then there were exposes on abuse that was happening at state institutions. Willowbrook in New York made national news, and almost every state had similar scandals. Basically, there was dehumanization occurring at institutions.

When we started to place people out of institutions into their home communities, a public out roar happened. The public would say things like these people were happy living in institutions; and, anyway, these group homes were businesses in residential areas. We encountered over 30 lawsuits. Some of our group homes were set on fire and shot at.

As the public information person for the agency, it was partly my responsibility to fight the opposition. I was contacted by 60 Minutes about the controversy and the segment, Not On My Street, launched the new season in 1980 and was watched by over 23 million people. I kept track of my telephone calls for a year — I was getting two phone calls a day from the local news media. In one year, 23 different reporters from one metro newspaper contacted me.

While I felt that I was holding my own against the community opponents, I also feared they were getting stronger and that they would one day unite and defeat the community placement. I found myself praying daily for guidance, since I felt daily that I did, indeed, have a tiger by the tail.

Now for the intuition. I was at a conference listening to a national speaker. What he was talking about was not helpful to my dilemma of our opponents getting stronger. I was not thinking about this at the time when out of the blue I heard a thought. It was not about anything I was thinking about at the time.

I have learned over the years to listen to thoughts that interfere with your regular thinking. The thought that came to me was more like a message was being relayed to me — “a knowing of something” or “a recognition of something.” I did not hear a voice or have an altered state of consciousness.

Here is what the message that came to me: my agency cannot fight the opposition by itself. If the agency continued on its present course, it would lose. I took the message very serious and as I considered it “a knowing.”

I considered the message a serious warning, however. I decided the message was asking me to work with others to fight the opposition. I have a master’s degree in Journalism. I had no experience in community organization.

Right after the conference I called up two advocacy agencies from two different counties. I told them I needed their help and that I would like to meet with them. We did meet, and they were more than happy to help out. We worked on a proactive strategy together in an attempt to keep a step ahead of the community opposition. Our efforts were successful.

Soon word of our success spread. I was invited to a meeting of agencies from another county to explain what we had done and why it was successful. From that meeting, we decided to start up a coalition, which we called “ACT for Developmental Disabilities,” or known around the state as ACT for DD.

Soon we had over 15 agencies that joined. We organized several rallies to the state capitol that included participation by the governor and legislators. We held news conferences, special events for the public, and got statewide publicity. One event is something people still talk about. We walked over 60 miles to the state capitol. For each mile, a friend would accompany a person with a developmental disability. They would walk or run. It took a few days to make it to the state capitol. In the meantime, the news media was giving us daily coverage.

The day of the rally in the state capitol, we got everyone who participated in the walk to the capitol to assemble a few blocks away. We then proceeded together to the steps of the capitol, where the governor and legislators were assembled. The young people with developmental disabilities ran up the steps and gave the governor and legislators hugs. I saw several legislators start to cry.

We eventually won our battle against the opposition, and we released thousands of children and adults from state institutions, many of which are now permanently closed. The children and adults are living active lives living and working in their home communities.

Today, we do not send people away to institutions. They now stay with their parents, go to school, work, and receive support from agencies, such as mine.

I believe the message I heard that day at the conference did not come from me but from the Spirit. For some reason, Spirit burst through. I do not know why Spirit broke through, but I am thankful that It did. Everything that happened since that message was followed just fell into place, such as the some many agencies banning to work effortlessly together.

TONY PARSONS

I just received through the mail a book by Tony Parsons called, “Invitation To Awaken.” I read his previous book, “As It Is,” three times. I find what Parsons has to say deeply disturbing, even though what he is saying has been said for thousands of years. I am confused and not sure if I buy into what he is saying. Would be interested in your opinion.

Forgive me for paraphrasing; and understand that I may have this wrong. The essence of Parsons’ writing is that the appearance of individuals and separateness is just that — an appearance. It is not true. Basically, God is playing a game of hide and seek in all of us. Another way of stating it is that it is all a movie, not starring you and me and others — but God playing you, me, and others.

Enlightenment happens when you (self) stop playing the game and realize there is no you (self). Enlightenment is pure awareness without you (self) being present. Therefore, every time you seek enlightenment, you (self) will fail because there is no you (self). You cannot read books, meditate, and do other spiritual things to gain Enlightenment because you (self) will have to lose the you (self) before you can reach Enlightenment.

I believe that Parsons does not buy into the Power of Now writers because they are telling you what to do, and Parsons believes there is nothing to do. I believe Parsons thinks they are operating on ego and perpetuating separation by talking about you and me. Parsons says there is no you and me, only God. You (self) do not need to obtain Enlightenment because that is all there is.

It is a change of consciousness and losing the self that exposes Enlightenment, where there is no observer, just Awareness.

To me, if Parsons is correct, this reduces God to a trickster, using us to amuse Himself/Herself. To me, it sounds like God was bored and invented a game to keep Himself/Herself amused. I do not think Parsons would dispute this. He would say, don’t fight it, that’s the way it is. Parsons would say that when you discover it is all a game then the jig is up and Enlightenment occurs.

Forgive me, Tony Parsons, if I misrepresented your ideas. This is what I am hearing from your books. What do you think of Tony Parsons’ God? Once again, I would be interested in what you think, since all of this is very disturbing to me.

ESP

I have posted my major ESP experiences under “A Sign” and “Baha’i Faith.” The following are two smaller examples of lesser ESP experiences, and they are a little different.

One happened while living in Michigan. I was driving through Pontiac and thinking about something when all of a sudden I experienced an interference with my thought. It was much like listening to a radio station and another station signal comes through on that station. All of a sudden, a thought of Helen came from nowhere. Helen was a colleague from another agency. There was nothing romantic about Helen, nor was I interested in her romantically.

I remember at the time feeling that this was very strange that the thought of Helen came up right in the middle of thinking about something else. I looked at the lane next to my car and saw Helen driving next to my car. For some reason, I had picked up her energy field. It was nothing conscious.

The other experience happened in Springfield, Illinois. I told my co-worker, John, about some of my ESP experiences. He said that he wanted to try an experiment. John said that at 8:00 p.m. he would be concentrating on something, and I was to try to tune in.

I have never tried anything like this. At 8:00 p.m., I attempted to tune in; but I received absolutely nothing. I called John to tell him the bad news. I asked him what he was trying to send me, and he told me it was the hand-washing scene in Macbeth, where Lady Macbeth was attempting to wash the blood from her hands.

I got excited and told John about a strange experience I had in the bookstore in the afternoon. I had picked up the book, Hamlet, and turned a few pages. I noticed in bold print in the book the hand-washing scene from Macbeth. I turned a few more pages. Then it hit me that there is no hand-washing scene in Hamlet. I tried to find the bold print that I had seen earlier in the book but could not find it.

For some reason, I had picked up what John was sending me but not at the designated time. Going to bookstores relaxed me. I must have been relaxed enough to pick up John’s thoughts but did not know what was going on at the time. Only that I had a weird experience in the bookstore.

LOSING MY DESTINY

Disaster struck. I was laid off from a job that I thought was my vocation. When I was younger, I was interested in becoming a priest. When it became apparent that I was not suited for the priesthood, I still felt a burning desire to help others. In undergraduate school, I majored in Journalism and minored in Social Work. My Dad was a publisher of a weekly newspaper in the Boston area, and I liked to write. However, I was conflicted because that I did not believe that Journalism would satisfy by desire to help others. On the other hand, I did not think that Social Work was really a good vocation for me, either.

I was able to combine these two fields of interest by accepting a fellowship to Syracuse University’s Mental Health Information Program. The National Institute for Mental Health sponsored the program. The Institute was interested in recruiting Journalist majors into the mental health field to write about issues that affect the lives of people with mental illness. It felt like this was the niche that I was destined for.

I sent one year on campus and one year in the field, which turned out to be a large mental health institution in Jacksonville, Illinois. I was involved in public information for the institution, doing publications, such as newsletters, brochures, and so on. While I was working in Jacksonville, the director of the Illinois of Department of Mental Health paid a visit. He personally invited me to tour with him all the institutions in Illinois, which I did. He later offered me a state job, which I accepted.

Three and one-half years later, I found myself out of a job. A new governor came into office and abolished my office in Springfield. The governor was a devious sort and set up another office in Chicago. I could have fought the layoff and won legally, but who wants to work for someone who does not want you? The governor later went to jail on illegal dealings as CEO of a company where he worked before he became governor.

I was humiliated because I did not have a job. I applied for unemployment. When I went to the unemployment office, I was personally embarrassed. To add insult to injury, after I stood in line for a long time and made it up to a window, the bureaucratic clerk harassed me. “You’re not looking for work, are you?” she exclaimed. I told her that I sent out over 60 resumes all over the country; and that, yes, I was looking for work.

About the same time that I got laid off, my wife made the decision to leave nursing. She was a registered nurse at a hospital but did not like it, so she quit her job. I was not particularly happy with the timing of her decision. She ended up taking a part-time job for a human services agency at a much lesser salary.

As for me, I still hoped to work in a mental health setting, since I enjoyed the work and felt I was truly helping people. I still believe it was my niche — my destiny.

One day I had an amazing ESP experience involving my wife. I was thinking to myself, “I wonder what days she is working this week.” While I was thinking this, my wife answered out loud the days of the week she was working that week, as if she had heard my thoughts.

I had a painful physical experience that occurred shortly after the layoff. I convinced myself that I was okay with my wife leaving her job and that the layoff was a chance to find an even better job. I had convinced myself that I was spiritual and that I had faith. What I forgot to do was to tell this to my body.

My wife and I were over her parents’ house one day when I felt a tightness in my chest. It was there constantly and every time I breathed. I thought I was having a heart attack. I went to see a doctor, who told me it was only nerves. The experience taught me that sometimes you may think you are fooling your mind with positive thoughts. However, you cannot fool your body — your guts — which knows what you are really thinking. The tightness in my chest taught me that I was not really in touch with my true feelings — that I was more concerned with my wife’s and my financial condition than I had thought.

One of the resumes struck gold about a year later, and I have been working in Michigan for the last 31 years. I never again had to go through the humiliating experience of being berratted by a clerk at an employment office. I will post information about my Michigan job interview later — it was both strange and funny.

PROJECTING MY FEARS

When I was living in Springfield, Illinois, I had a job where the employees were encouraged to do volunteer work for others. I decided to volunteer for the American Heart Association. I volunteered to do publicity for the Association. I was able to book a half hour program on a local television channel. I had never put together a half hour program before, so I was very concerned that it be successful. The television station would supply the host for the program. I found a panel of three doctors and had a five-minute video that would help fill up the time. I put together a bunch of questions that the host could ask during the show.

The day of the taping, I broke into a cold sweat when into the first 15 minutes of the show, the host had shown the video and used up all my questions! We were only half way through. The host did a decent job the rest of the show, making up questions. I felt embarrassed by my failure. So, I pledged to myself that the next time I got involved in a television show, I would be better prepared.

In those days I was interested in the topic of ESP, since I had some unusual experiences. Because of my interest, I got involved in a series of half hour shows on ESP on a Springfield local cable station. I do not remember if I approached them or if they approached me about launching the new series on ESP. I do recall that I volunteered my time for free in getting the show on the air. At that time, I was attending a Unity Church and knew some people with similar interests in ESP. In fact, one of the Unity members was a young barber. I thought he would be a good host; he was handsome, articulate, and had some psychic abilities. (Unfortunately, I do not recall his name, since it was so long ago.)

The barber agreed to host the program. I felt some panic about the show because of my previous failure with the Heart Association television show. I got a pad of paper and told the barber that we would work on the questions for the first guest together. I told the barber to have the pad of paper in front of him at the taping, so he could read the questions. I was concerned that since his first time on television that the barber may panic and forget the questions. The pad of questions was the security blanket.

The day of the taping came and things did not go well. The barber appeared wooden and would read the questions mechanically. There was no real rapport between the host and the guest. I figured out afterwards what the problem was when the barber and I went over what happened. He found the pad of questions too confining; but out of loyalty for me (and because he thought I knew what I was doing), he asked the questions that we had worked on.

For the next show, we again went over the questions to ask. This time, however, I left him alone. I told him that while it was good to have the questions available in the event he went blank that he did not have to use any of the questions if he did not want to.

This time at the day of the taping the second show went very well. The host was a natural! The rapport was great with the guest. And guest what? He never had to look at the pad of paper. I had projected my fears onto him because of my previous failure with the other television show for the Heart Association. My preparations were stifling the spontaneity and the joy the host felt for the show.

When I stopped projecting my fears onto him, he was free to be himself.